While grading research papers tonight (a plethora of sophomore trial papers and senior historical events papers - you are jealous, aren't you???) I watch/listened to the finale for The Biggest Loser.
And I need to say that I am now totally and utterly depressed.
Completely depressed.
While I am amazed and thrilled for these men and women, I am depressed that I don't live in a world where I can workout six to eight hours a day with a trainer who will kick my ass if I am not sweating enough. I am depressed that I don't have someone by my side, showing me new foods and encouraging me to eat healthier than I already try to do. I am depressed that I am in the body I am in. This is a life struggle for me, and I hate it.
I absolutely hate who I am.
I guess it all boils down to the fact that I feel like I am in a rut in my life. I am definitely in a rut at Weight Watchers. I believe in the program, however I am not 100% committed to it right now, and I can't tell you why that is. I have to wear a bathing suit this summer! I need to lose weight to get pregnant!!! I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO GET HEALTHY!!!!!!!! However I am not 100% committed. I AM working out. Maybe not four or five days a week, but more like two to three. I can't get my lazy ass to the gym and I don't know why. I AM drinking my water. I AM watching my portion sizes, eating the necessary food groups, but I am having a HORRIBLE time tabulating some of the foods, so then I don't write it down.
I know what you are thinking. Duh, Kristen, that is why you are in a rut. But there is something more that I just cannot explain. I want SO DESPERATELY to be a Kelly or an Ali, but there is something holding me back.
I need to get over this hurdle...........
Please God, help me get over this hurdle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Walk of Hope Week!!!!
10 years ago
3 comments:
You know that there is a problem - step one. You know that it's a rut and you'll get out of it - step two. DON'T GIVE UP!!! It's understandable that seeing these people makes you depressed - their circumstances were not that of a typical American and I'm glad you understand that. They should be losing major weight if they have a cook, work out all day and this is their life. But that's not reality. So, with that being said, don't be depressed. We both know that it's a battle to lose weight. If it was easy, then everyone would look like Ali. But it's not. You are on the right track and taking the right steps. I think you should set one small goal each week. Maybe your goal will be to walk Cider around the block each night after dinner, maybe it'll be to calculate the points of EVERY dinner for just one week. Don't try to do it all at once. it's too much. But make smaller goals that are attainable. Each week add a new goal, but keep the old one in mind and keep working on that one. It'll all come together eventually. Look how far you've come already - it's only going to get better and better. And just keep the faces of those girls in your head from Biggest Loser. They LOVED the attention that they were getting because they knew that they deserved it. That in itself should help motivate you. Wouldn't you love coming back to school next August and the kids not even recognizing you? How cool would that be!?!
Just know that you have a ton of support. It's alright to have down days, but don't give up. I'll see you tomorrow and we'll do this together!
Oh hon! I have so been there. Email me, we'll chat irishtu7975 at yahoo dot com. BIG HUGE HUGS!
Hey you - it is a TV SHOW, silly! I hate that you hate yourself. Because I love you SO MUCH. You can lose the weight to gain things - fertility, health, bathing suits...but you can also lose things - hopelessness, self-loathing, and anger. You are well on your way. It is working. We are rooting for you!
Post a Comment